


Albacete

by veronamay



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Episode: s02e04 Johannesburg, Gen, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-30
Updated: 2011-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronamay/pseuds/veronamay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene from 'Johannesburg'. Martin learns a thing or two from Arthur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Albacete

**Author's Note:**

> For [innie_darling](http://innie-darling.livejournal.com)'s prompt: _Martin and Arthur, knowledge._ Contains spoilers for 'Johannesburg' and all subsequent episodes generally.
> 
> Thanks to [lemmealone](http://lemmealone.livejournal.com) for beta.

FADE IN:

EXT. AIRFIELD (ALBACETE) – DAY

MARTIN and ARTHUR are standing next to the BAGGAGE TRUCK outside the GREEN HANGAR, waiting to take DIEGO back to fix G.E.R.T.I.

ARTHUR: You know, Skip, I was just thinking …

[extended pause]

MARTIN: Yes?

ARTHUR: Sorry. I was waiting for Douglas to tell me what a risky proposition it is. Me thinking, I mean.

MARTIN: Oh. Yes. That sounds exactly like something he'd say. [hesitates] Never mind. Go on.

ARTHUR: I was just thinking, maybe Douglas won't make fun of your new aviator shades after all.

MARTIN: Of course he will. He makes fun of everything I do.

ARTHUR: Well, yes, but only because he fancies you.

MARTIN: He what?

ARTHUR: He fancies you. Quite a lot, really. And you do look awfully good in those shades, you know.

MARTIN: How on earth could you possibly know that?

ARTHUR: Well, you are standing right in front of me, Skip. I mean, I can see you and everything. And I personally don't want to fling you over a horizontal surface and roger the stuffing out of you, but don't feel bad about that. I'm sure if you were a girl I probably would want to. Or maybe not, since you're the skipper and all that. I bet Douglas will want to, though, if he sees you in those shades. More than he already does, I mean.

MARTIN: [dazed] I don't understand a word you just said.

ARTHUR: It's really simple! You're not a girl, so I don't want to—

MARTIN: Yes, thank you! I think I can do without a repeat performance. What I meant was, how do you know Douglas fancies me? He's never acted like it. Quite the opposite, in fact.

ARTHUR: Oh, he said so. Ages ago.

MARTIN: He did not! Are you making this up? Is this another one of Douglas's attempts to wind me up? Is there a hidden camera somewhere?

[Martin looks around wildly at the deserted airfield]

ARTHUR: Come on, Skip. You know I don't have the brains to do anything that complicated. Microwaves confuse me.

MARTIN: True. But then—how? Why? Where? When? Why?

ARTHUR: Let's see … the 'how' was when I hypnotised Mum and Douglas by accident. The 'why' … I don't know, you'll have to ask Douglas, although if you ask me it's because you're brilliant, obviously. The 'where' was at Fitton, the 'when' was last November, and I still don't know the 'why', sorry.

MARTIN: [clutching his hair] I'm terribly confused. You hypnotised Douglas and Carolyn?

ARTHUR: It was an accident! I didn't know my own power! I shall always rue the day I let my darker side take control. Also, I had no idea that reading aloud from a book on sea turtles could be so soothing.

MARTIN: So—what did he say, exactly?

ARTHUR: About sea turtles?

MARTIN: No, about me!

ARTHUR: Oh! Right. Do you really want to know?

MARTIN: Why? Should I not know? Did he say something horrible or deeply perverted?

ARTHUR: Oh no, nothing like that. It's just, he's married. So it feels a little bit like cheating.

MARTIN: But he's the one with a wife, Arthur. Besides, I'm not going to do anything about it. I just want to … know. What he really thinks of me.

ARTHUR: Righto, then. I was a bit panicky, what with it being totally accidental and everything, so I mentioned calling you for help to wake them up. Douglas said [assumes 'Douglas' voice] 'Oh yes, let's call Martin. I haven't made him blush for days. I keep wondering what he'd do if I threw him over a horizontal surface and rogered—'

MARTIN: [cutting in hastily] Yes, all right, I've heard that part. Are you sure that's what he said? It doesn't sound like him at all.

ARTHUR: That's what I said! And he said, 'Douglas Richardson, the married man, is quite a different animal to Douglas Richardson, sky god on the prowl.' And then he spent a really long time talking about your hands and mouth and skin until I accidentally woke him and Mum up again. It turns out that imitating the call of a laughing falcon is really effective at waking up hypnotised people.

MARTIN: [mouth opening and closing a few times] Right. Okay. –You're not serious.

ARTHUR: I am being totally and absolutely serious!

MARTIN: How do you even remember all of this?

ARTHUR: I have an eiderdown memory.

MARTIN: A what?

ARTHUR: An eiderdown memory. It's where you can remember all sorts of things even years later. I can remember everything I've ever heard.

MARTIN: It's called an eidetic memory, Arthur. An eiderdown is something you put on a bed.

ARTHUR: That doesn't sound right to me.

MARTIN: Well, when we get home you can look it up on Wikipedia.

ARTHUR: Mum doesn't let me go on Wikipedia. She says my eyes go all scary when I'm confronted with that much text.

MARTIN: She might have a point, actually. Never mind, you'll just have to take my word for it.

ARTHUR: I will if you will.

MARTIN: Douglas really does fancy me? You're not just winding me up?

ARTHUR: You know what happens when I lie, Skip.

MARTIN: Yes, but you might try to pass it off as heatstroke. –Oh, God. Douglas fancies me. Oh God, oh God, oh God. What do I do? What do I say? Do I tell him I know? No, I can't tell him, it's too embarrassing. We have to work together. And he's married, so nothing's going to come of it anyway. But—oh, God!

ARTHUR: [patting Martin's shoulder] Cheer up, Skip. At least you know now that he's making fun of you for a reason.

MARTIN: That is so very comforting, Arthur. Thank you.

ARTHUR: You're welcome, Skip.

MARTIN: [thoughtfully] Although—I suppose it is better than the alternative, isn't it? And … it's not like I mind. I mean, Douglas is unbearable when he's being all smug and clever, but the rest of the time he can be quite … nice, really. If he wasn't married—well ...

[Martin blushes and bites his lip.]

ARTHUR: That's the spirit, Skip!

[DIEGO emerges from the hangar. Martin, Arthur and Diego board the baggage truck.]

MARTIN: Tell me, Diego, do you know the lyrics to 'Ten Men Went To Mow'?

DIEGO: No. I do not know this song.

MARTIN: [with increasing cheerfulness] That's all right, we'll teach you. Arthur, from the top!

ARTHUR: [SINGING] One man went to mow, went to mow a meadow …

[Martin joins in singing as he drives the baggage truck away from the airfield.]

FADE OUT.

THE END


End file.
